| There’s fuc*k all on Rockall | 57°35’48”N 13°41’19”W |
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| Monday 19th September 2005 Rockall | Powered by Yeast Logic |
Rockall: 50 years under the Union JackWell, almost
by de Management
Yesterday marked the 50th anniversary of the British annexation of Rockall as teary-eyed Jack Tars of HMS Vidal recalled how, on 18 September 1955, they hoisted the Union Flag over the worlds' remotest islet. The occupation was carried out at the expressed wish of Her Maj, who issued an order stating: "On arrival at Rockall you will effect a landing and hoist the Union flag on whatever spot appears most suitable or practicable and you will then take possession of the island on our behalf." Naturally, we'd like to report that the seizure of this last outpost of Empire was to secure the liberty of an oppressed people from the under jackboot of some moustachioed dago and his Extra-Special Republican Guard, but we admit that the audacious move came amid fears that the Russkies would build a secret base on Rockall to monitor British missile tests from the Western Isles. The landing was made by helicopter after three days of inclement weather prevented any approach to the islet. First to winch down was Royal Marine Sergeant Brian Peel, quickly followed by Royal Navy officer Lieutenant Commander Desmond Scott, another marine and a civilian naturalist.
Yes, it all seems pretty silly now, although we would do well to recall that in the chilly atmosphere of the Cold War, the threat of fur-clad Red Army cadres raping your wife, killing your kiddies and marching you off to a salt mine was very real. Just ask your mum and dad or, if you find yourself in the unfortuante position of being parentless, the person assigned by Social Services to keep you off the alcopops and glue until such time as you can get a job in a pea-canning factory. There's not much more we need to add, except to note that the UK-wide street celebrations planned for the anniversary — complete with flags, bunting and boiled guillemot on a stick — were summarily cancelled on 16 June this year when we at The Rockall Times successfully landed on Rockall and declared it a Peoples' Republic. So much then for Commander Scott's view of Rockall's future: "No, it's a very precipitous and very lonely little island, and I see no future for it from any point of view whatsoever." Accordingly, with all due condolences to Her Imperial Majestyness Liz II, we hereby present a short Rockall timeline and a listing all the Rockall resources currently available on this, the voice of the Peoples' Republic of Rockall: Summary timeline1550: "Rochol" makes first appearence on Portuguese map. Rockall resources on The Rockall Times
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They duly raised the Union Flag, solemnly saluted (see pic) and then attached a plaque to Rockall which read: "By authority of Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth the Second, by the Grace of God of the United Kingdon of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, and of her other realms and territories, Queen; head of the Commonwealth, Defender of the Faith [etc], and in accordance with Her Majesty's instructions dated the 14th day of September one thousand nine hundred and fifty-five, a landing was effected this day upon this island of Rockall from HMS Vidal. The Union Flag was hoisted and possession of the island was taken in the name of Her Majesty."