Those caption competition results in full

Five witty readers secure Rockall Times merchandising

by de Management

As part of the recent celebrations to mark the 50th anniversary of the British occupation of Rockall in 1955, and the declaration of the Peoples' Republic of Rockall on 16 June 1995, we offered readers the chance to win one of five Rockall Times t-shirts.

The challenge was simple — rustle up a caption for this photo:

Well, you didn't let us down. Let's kick off with a few honourable mentions. Ronnie Sell offered "Basrah police agree to the return of two detained SAS soldiers" and "Dr Abdullah takes a patient's temperature in the traditional fashion".

Ah yes, this is Iraq we're talking about here, as demonstrated by Jon White with "Keep your sunni side up!" and Huw Jones' "You don't want to get shi'ite on the end". Oh dear, that's you two off Mohammed al-Zarqawi's Xmas card list, make no mistake.

Moving swiftly on, we're not sure if they follow the Premiership over there in Basra, but Tim Cuthill says: "Iraqis unconvinced by rumoured invulnerability of Chelsea. Local football commentators circumvent language barrier by miming 'Up the Arsenal'."

Back in Blighty, meanwhile, we have "an ex-Essex boy" with the slighly more oblique: "Plucky Ishtar and Ahmed on being told they were being transferred to one of Mr Reed's new-style detention pubs in deepest Essex. 'What's a lock-in?' they chirupped."

And speaking of beer, try Roy Scott's "Shit! While we were having it off, some bastard stole our beer mugs."

It's all good stuff, but we really do have to pick some winners. Give it up please for: