Britney reaches out to Katrina Victims

"Britney Spears is, like, having a gigunda garage sale," the highly-talented chanteuse's agent, Tammy Faye Bakker, announced yesterday at a press conference held in New York City to herald the forthcoming disposal on eBay of some of her client's most cherished apparel. The assembled crowd — three tourists from Duluth, Minnesota and a homeless guy from Grand Central Station — seemed almost impressed.

The 23-year-old pop superstar was reared in a trailer park in tiny Kentwood, Louisiana. "Britney was looking at the pictures in a Time Magazine for Kids while at a doctor's appointment, and was seriously bummed to discover that a hurricane had passed through Louisiana," said Ms. Bakker. "She immediately thought: ‘Like, Wow! I should get some PR outta this. After brainstorming ideas with her mother, manager, and her husband, Kevin Federline Spears, the unanimous (except for her mother, her manager and Kev) decision was to establish the Britney Spears Fowndation for Mississippi Hericane Releaf."

When questioned as to why Ms. Spears is helping flood victims in Mississippi instead of Louisiana, Tammy Faye said: "Oooh! Right! But, like, isn't Mississippi IN Louisiana?"

Among the items being auctioned are a white stone bra worn in one of her pretty much interchangeable music videos, a pair of pink and blue jeans that no longer zip up, and a pair of diamonte flip-flops that Paris Hilton's Chihuahua peed on. Ms. Baker denied rumors that Baby Boy Spears will be added to the auction on the last day.

Previously

• Britney boob bust-up!
• Abi Titmuss: I want to bed Britney and Osama bin Laden
• More buzzing news fresh from the Hollywood hills