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Boro's McClaren apoplectic at West Ham catastrophe

Middlesbrough manager Steve McClaren is today sitting in a darkened room sucking tea tree extract through a straw after a cataclysmic linesman's error saw his team go down 2-1 to West Ham at the weekend.

Chris Riggot was judged to have scored an own goal which allowed the Hammers to take a two-goal lead. A late consolation strike from Franck Queudrue was not enough to save Boro from disaster.

A apoplectic McClaren later slammed the decision to award the goal which will most likely see Boro relegated from the Premiership, forced into receivership and the players' wives obliged to prostitute themselves on the streets of Middlesbrough to pay the club's debts.

He also warned that the south of the US would certainly be rocked by category 6+ hurricanes and the sobbing survivors decimated by avian influenza as a direct result of the official's inability to correctly analyse whether or not the ball had crossed the line.

Pressed as to whether West Ham might not have won the game regardless, McClaren stated for the record that the only time a Premiership team loses a match is when the referee or a linesman makes a fatal miscalculation. He added that he had been confident of Boro securing both the Premiership, the European Championship and indeed brokering a permanent peace deal between Israel and Palestine until that fateful moment.

He told The Rockall Times: "Hundreds will die needlessly as a result of this. I hope the linesman can sleep soundly in his bed knowing that he has condemned an entire generation to misery and despair."

Previously

• Fergie rages after 6-0 West Ham drubbing
• Fergie apoplectic at insect miscalculation
• Wenger takes top spot in Premiership bullshi*t league

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