There’s fuc*k all on Rockall   57°35’48”N 13°41’19”W
Contact The Rockall Times Dramatic pictures of our 2003 assault on Rockall
  Monday 24th October 2005  Society   Powered by Yeast Logic
[E] [P] [I]

Man expresses satisfaction with family hatchback

Money well spent, says dad of two
by Fernando Alonso

A West London man has expressed satisfaction with his new family hatchback after purchasing the £6,900 car in an Ealing car dealers.

Dominic Bravado, 32, a married father of two working as an insurance underwriter's assistant told The Rockall Times he needed a "sensible set of wheels" to do the shopping and ferry his twin daughters to playgroup. He opted for a 1.3 litre, three-door model mainly on the grounds of fuel consumption, he admits, but was pleasantly surprised when he went to collect his new motor.

Bravado takes up the story: "I was expecting the usual rush-hour mayhem although as soon as I exited the showroom I found myself travelling at improbable speeds along a road which had transformed itself into a snake battered by the pyroclastic flows of an erupting volcano. Naturally, I was able to defeat the snake highway by accelerating hard and punching the car through the back of its head before ascending a snow-covered ski-jump ramp pitched at an incredible 37 degrees at 110mph simply to locate a suitable glacier from which to pluck a couple of icicles for my gin and tonic.

"Back in town, the entire High Street came to a complete standstill in admiration for my new car, with improbably attractive blondes licking their lips in anticipation of mounting my throbbing in-line four and owners of other marks attempting to hide their wretchedly inadequate vehicles behind trees or in skips as I passed. Before sticking the car in the drive, I forded three jungle rivers and received a hose-down from a Sri Lankan elephant in a paradise lagoon setting. It makes a change from the M4, I can tell you."

Asked of his wife was equally pleased with the purchase, Bravado admitted: "No sooner had I centrally locked the motor than she was all over me like a rash. We shagged for six hours during which she came thirteen times and was left totally satisfied as a woman."

And the make of this life-transforming automobile? "No idea," admits Bravado. "They all look the same to me."

Previously

 Posse Rispek Checker