Rockall Times to celebrate fourth birthday in style

We offer apologies this week for the late running of The Rockall Times and a Rockall Times Lite™ format, offering less than the usual cornucopia of top-notch material.

Readers can, however, rest assured that nothing is amiss on the world's remotest islet, but rather that several spendid articles have been held over for next week's fourth anniversary extravanganza.

Yes it's true — The Rockall Times is four this week, and we have accordingly transferred valuable satire resources into an all-singing, all-dancing issue to celebrate our survival in a hostile internet world.

Reagrding the publication delay of our 7 November issue, well, the festivities kicked off early in Rockall's Fighting Dog and Pikey public house last Sunday as cheering locals saluted the North Atlantic's top satire resource in traditional style — by getting rat-arsed and throwing each other of the sacred islet's precipitous east face.

As a tearful landlord Vince put it: "Who needs all this chattering class PC satire bullshit when you can get proper fuc*king swearing at a price you can afford?" — a sentiment echoed by cheering crowds gathered in the hostelry's public bar.

So, next week's Rockall Times will be a bumper issue indeed, with a look back at the laughter and the tears of the last four years, comment from resident sexpert Rowan Raunchbitch — recently returned from a San Francisco masturbatathon — and another of our ever-popular competitions.

And, no doubt, our magnificent contributors will pull out all the stops to ensure that the cut-out-and-keep anniversary special will be something to hand down to your gandchildren like a Werther's Original. It fair brings a tear to your eye.