Swedish royals warm to Lucky Country

The Swedish Royal Family is rounding out a visit to Australia. They had been speaking to the Danish Royal Family and had been moved to visit "The Lucky Country", as it is known, after hearing that the heir to the Danish throne had gotten lucky during a debauched evening at a seedy Sydney bar during the 2000 Olympics.

Apparently, he had scored and woken up the next morning scratching his head and trying to remember the shiela from Tasmania's name. Word is that she had followed up on his morning mongrel and from then on the romance had blossomed. She is now mother of the heir to the Danish throne and Australians have warmly embraced their future subjects in Denmark.

The Swedish Royal Family, fearing that they would be hard-pressed to find a match for their daughters in Sweden, where competition is fierce for eligible men, had decided to see if they could strike up a match "down under". It is unclear why they did not like their chances in Sweden, but sources close to Sweden have suggested that the daughters are not "typical Swedish chicks" and would not fare well when faced by competition from "typical Swedish chicks", they having legs right up to their arse, enormous jugs and being naturally blond, characteristics the daughters cannot unfortunately boast of having.

Australian bars are a-chatter with debate as Aussies discuss how to treat these visiting Royals. Much of the debate centres around the possibility of taking on a new European country and supplying a future Head of State, implicitly taking it into our fold so to speak. One of the fears is that there will be too many tall blond super models on our beaches as our subjects from both Denmark and Sweden visit their new "mother country". Some believe this will hinder access to surfing breaks and there will be a glut of young, well muscled Aussie men wanting to become life-savers in the hope that the lives they will be saving are those of semi-clad, gasping, not to mention grateful, Scandinavian beauties.

Another concern is that competition between visiting beauties will lead to a new form of "super model terrorism" where super models act unsportingly as they compete for the attentions of bronzed Aussie sunbakers. There have already been cases since Denmark became part of Australia and her beauties were welcomed onto its shores where bikinis have suspiciously gone missing in the surf and young ladies have required special assistance to protect their modesty, even though it was only a g-string and similar covering for the upstairs.

"We have to protect Aussie values" said one blathering drunkard at Sydney's Bondi Beach, "there is a point where you can have too much of a good thing" he adds before being carried away by a Danish super model, hoping to take him up on his offer of "you got'ny Australian in ya? D'ya want any?"

Previously

• Anti-war protest backfires on 700 naked Aussie beauties
• Fergie gives Aussies a wedgie
• Aussie PM exposed in trouser-snake tugging furore