Chinese human rights campaigner slams UK education reforms

A child in China, who achieved fame as a gymnastics prodigy after commencing training at the relatively late age of three and later became a human rights campaigner, has reacted with incredulity to the news that Britain is to institute a series of classes and teachings structure from birth.

"This is much, much too early," stated a clearly flustered Hoo Flung Dung fresh from completing in the veterans (age eight and over) competition at the Dubai Super Classic Masters. "In my country the obscenity of trying to force book knowledge on ones so young would never be allowed."

Hoo's outburst followed the revelation that the British government is planning to extend the principle of standardised education from the school classroom to the very youngest infants. The new framework for nought to five-year-olds will have the same legal force as the school national curriculum and will introduce a simplified inspection system to assess care and education for all babies and toddlers.

Pictures shown on Chinese TV — showing artists' impressions of what small kiddies trying to fathom the national curriculum might look like — have shocked a Chinese people which simply cannot understand how such barbaric practices can be allowed in the modern world.

Hoo remarked: "Kids of that age shouldn't be forced to tackle even the basic principles of grammar, maths, and circle time — whatever the hell that is — but rather ought to be enjoying themselves with a bit of light physical exercise to help them make the British Olympic team for the 2012 games."

Previously

• Labour candidate in education manifesto débâcle
• Spectre of recession provokes education cutback bloodbath
• UK exam results exceed wildest government predictions