Greece bans rear-view mirrors

In a move that had been widely expected, the Greek parliament yesterday passed a law to ban rear-view mirrors on all road-going vehicles.

The heart of the matter is a cultural bias in southern Europe against mirrors in cars. It's like peeking into someone's front window; it just isn't done. While in other countries peeping Toms usually invoke a call to the police, Greek drivers have up to now been left to fume whenever someone leers at them through the rear-view mirror of their Renault. In the tradition of southern Europe, where it is believed that what's behind you is none of your business, lane switching is now guaranteed to be completed without such violation of social protocol.

Responsibility for ensuring there is room when someone cuts in is now squarely in the hands of following vehicles. You are still allowed to warn someone in front that you are there in the hope that he will delay his lateral move until you have managed to slam on the brakes. To this end there have been calls to have the horns of all new cars sold in Greece wired directly to the ignition, but since most motorists drive with one palm firmly planted on the horn anyway, this is deemed largely unnecessary.

Besides, Greece is a noise-conscious society and Spiros would not want to pull up in front of his house at four a.m. after the all tavernas have closed with the horn blaring. That would wake up Athena who would come out and say irately: "Where've you been, you good for nothing, whoring, boozing son of a goat shagger? Lost the week's wages at poker again I bet." One suggestion has been to install a switch on the dash by which the motorist could cut off the horn during the Greek "Quiet Hours" of three a.m. to six a.m. There would be a law requiring a blaring horn at all other times much as there are laws in other countries about having lights on from sunset to sunrise.

Some wanted to make an exception for the vanity mirror on the back of the sun visor, but prim and proper Greek society is having none of that. A Greek society matron, under the guise of fixing her lipstick, could twist the visor until she gained an illicit glimpse of another car.

Outboard mirrors of the rigid kind have never been fitted to cars sold in Greece due to the fact that they would be snapped off in the mad, squeezing rush that is Athenian traffic before the new owners could drive them home from the dealers. The type that hinges is more useful and is often used to whack errant jaywalkers without the danger of incurring a murder charge.

The law is retroactive and all car owners have six months to comply. Hinged outboard mirror housings can stay so they can still perform their pedestrian-whacking function as long as the glass is removed. Dealers are already selling kits to replace interior mirrors with hooks so that the all-important icons and other dangling paraphernalia that Greeks hang from the mirror can still be deployed in all their swinging, distracting glory.

The move includes motorcycles, which have near-supernatural status in Greece. Weaving in and out of traffic, brightly coloured helmet thrust through one arm, curly hair flying in the breeze, his five-year-old daughter riding pillion wearing nothing but a swimsuit, the Greek motorcyclist is saying: "Look at me, I'm invincible. God has favoured me with immortality and I have so much confidence in this fact that I taunt you by flinging my apparently fragile flesh and bones around the front of your car with reckless abandon."

From now on he will be doing it without his mirrors. Young British boys hiring motorcycles on Zakanthos next summer will also find the mirrors gone. For the first time they will doff their t-shirts and expose their pasty white chests to the Hellenic sun without the need to check the mirrors.

Editorial note

Ima Duffer is married to a Greek. He regularly travels there and is highly regarded by the locals for his insightful musings on the the foibles of Greek society. Anyone wishing to gain insight first-hand will find Ima between June and September at Nikos' Beach Taverna on Papadocolis loudly recounting his latest near-death driving experience to astounded Brit tourists.

Previously

• Top comedian admits leaving scene of accident
• The Beetle is dead, long live socially inept car enthusiasts
• Man with hilarious car sticker actually owns Porsche