Benitez hails Crouching Tiger's Wigan goalfest

Strikes-per-game ratio hits stratospheric high

by Juan Sebastian Gaucho

The coach of the man on the hottest scoring streak in top-flight football has told of his belief that a legend is in the process of being born.

Rafael Benitez spoke after the barnstorming performance against neighbouring north-west powerhouse Wigan by the man they call "Crouching Tiger". Benitez enthused: "Most strikers are happy with a goal every other game. That's okay. Good strikers achieve two goals every three games. That's excellent. The very top strikers even get a goal per game. That's fantastic. But two goals a game! That's unheard of!"

His comments followed the natural-born predator's two strikes against Wigan at a rapturous Anfield. Using the latest statistical techniques and the most powerful computers available, it has been calculated that if Crouchy continues at the present rates he could re-write the record books.

Those Record Details in Full and Extrapolated:

How Things Are Now (excluding data from before the Wigan tie)

Games: 1
Goals: 2
Goals per Game Average: 2.00

How the Record Might Look in Ten Games' Time (if things carry on at the same rate)

Games: 10
Goals: 20
Goals per Game Average: 2.00

How the Record Might Look in Ten Years' Time (if things carry on carrying on at the same rate)

Games: 524
Goals: 1048
Goals per Game Average: 2.00

Benitez rejected the claim that it might be too soon to measure Crouch's ability saying: "It's not too soon to measure Crouch's ability."

Amidst all the fuss, the very articulate but charmingly modest Crouch insisted: "There is more to my game than just scoring," but his remarks were drowned out by a mob of laughing and happy team mates.

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