Iraqi Interim Government™ heaps praise on allied forces

At a specially convened press conference in the Shockandawe suite of the Moab Hilton, Iraqi interim government spokesmen praised the allied forces for their competent and surefooted handling of the post Saddam situation. Government attaches said that the conference was being held to give an opportunity for opposition voices to, "counteract some of the terrible propaganda being reported by irresponsible journalists who only ever report bombs, kidnappings, killings and torture".

"We Iraqis are indebted to the peaceful way in which our liberators have smoothly and skilfully integrated their presence into mainstream Iraqi society, without triggering what could have easily become a civil war situation," said Interior Minister Ibrahim Aiewishiwasayank. "The spreading of democracy to Iraq has been handled so well and the country is becoming so peaceful that we are even considering plans by Disneyland and Halliburton to reopen the famous Garden of Eden."

The minister had special praise for the leadership of US President George W Bush and the support given by British Prime Minister Tony Bliar, adding that he was "delighted that the Christian Crusade was also proving to be so popular in their own countries." He continued: "We are sure that President Bush’s orders for his troops to liberally enrich our lands with white phospherous and depleted uranium will be a great boost to our future agricultural endeavours." He noted that while similar efforts had been made by the Saddam regime, particularly in Kurdish and Shi'ite territories, weaker chemicals had been used and merely resulted in the unfortunate deaths of many innocent Iraqis. "We have seen the effectiveness of this approach in Afghanistan, and the agricultural genius of US companies such as Monsanto have demonstrated that the eradication of Saddams can lead to bushes planted in 2000 lasting for an extra term — in effect dubbyaling their expected political lifespan."

Minister Aiewishiwasayank, singled out Prime Minister Bliar for his "new political 'Third Way' thinking", blending deterrence and insurgents to produce detergents which had "whitewashed the truth to a greater extent than ever before".

"Democracy and freedom are at long last reigning in Iraq," proclaimed the minister, "and the loss of our oil revenues and sovereignty are a small price for ordinary poor Iraqis to pay." He also stated that the allies had ensured that equality of opportunity was being extended to all levels of Iraqi society, "irrespective of creed or class". "Even some of our hardest criminal prisoners are being given new opportunities through the intrepid work of the US backed Central Intelligence Airlines. Most of these hardened criminals had only ever visited Afghanistan, Syria or at the most Pakistan, but now they are getting tortured in far way countries like Egypt, Poland and Rumania, something that could never have taken place under Saddam."

Unfortunately, the press conference was forced to end prematurely before the minister could take questions due to a sudden power failure, an increasingly rare event in Baghdad due to the superlative reconstruction efforts of the allied crusaders.

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Previously

• US Democrats attack 'immoral' secret war
• Government mulls 'mad mullah' poser
• Iraq elections: Who gives a toss?