'Lost World' expedition rediscovers elusive species

Six-Figure-Salaried Sun Bird wows the crowd

by Janus Motsonius

An astounded team in what scientists are dubbing 'The Lost World' has sensationally solved a major mystery surrounding what exactly happened to Wenger's Six-Figure-Salaried Sun Bird, previously known from a few rare sightings in the Highbury area of North London.

The Sun Bird (Solus Campbelarius) sports, according to various sources, red-and-white or yellow plumage, but has also allegedly been seen hanging around international goalmouths in uncharacteristic and — according to some pundits — undeserved white strip. It is also known to fraternise with the Dido Bird — another London native with a melodic and listener-friendly mating call.

The last confirmed sighting of the Sun Bird was as it fled panic-stricken from Highbury after failing once again to justify its enormous salary. Despite a huge international press dragnet, the Sun Bird eluded capture until it unexpectedly walked into a sunlit clearing in the dense jungle of North London to perform its mating dance for the benefit of amazed onlookers.

Highbury groundsman Charlie Woodbine told The Rockall Times: "We hadn't seen Wenger's Sun Bird since he took orf after that Hammers fiasco. Then we were just settling down to a nice brew yesterday when he skipped happy as you like onto the pitch and asked if anyone had seen the gaffer."

As well as rediscovering the Six-Figure-Salaried Sun Bird to immense relief worlwide, scientists in Highbury have also identified five new varities of doner kebab, a long-nosed pikey bird and two dozen hitherto unrecorded footballing curses.

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'Lost World' expedition rediscovers elusive species

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