Revealed: John Leslie's South London sofa shame

Disgraced ex-Blue Peter presenter, John Leslie, has been working as a South London based upholsterer — who takes more than a professional interest in his clients' furniture.

The sleazy Scotsman — who is said to have once bedded 20 sets of identical albino twins in a single evening — was caught in the act with a three-seat red leather Chesterfield sofa in the front-room of pensioner, Hilda Snetherington.

"I couldn't believe what I was seeing," says Mrs. Snetherington. "I'd popped out to the kitchen to get some tea when I realised that I hadn't asked the gentleman if he wanted sugar. I opened the living room door and saw the pervert thrusting deep between the middle cushion and the base of the sofa."

"He was totally naked apart from stripy stay-up stockings and a pair of diving boots. Although he was clearly surprised to see me, he didn't stop what he was doing, in fact he sped up — he must have been in his vinegar strokes when I caught him at it. God knows what my old Charlie would have made of it."

"I did think it was a bit odd that the company had sent John Leslie but I knew he'd fallen from grace and was probably short of cash. To be honest, I felt a bit sorry for him," added Snetherington.

"As soon as he'd shot his load he quickly dressed and made for the door. On his way out he handed me an old medal that my old Charlie had been awarded after the Salerno landings. Leslie muttered something about finding a lost medal down the back of my sofa and then ran out the door."

"When he'd gone, I noticed that the pin on the medal was undone. I think it must have poked Leslie in his Jap's eye, so I reckon I've had the last laugh!"

Mrs Snetherington then said that she got lonely sometimes and occasionally made things up.

A leading South London cab-driver, however, confirmed that Leslie had been spotted in the area and revealed that there were a number of other ex-Blue Peter presenters at large in the area.

"That Valerie Singleton — you want to look our for her. She runs a dodgy kebab van in Forest Hill. Mate of mine had one of her burgers once and didn't stop shitting for three days. I had that John Noakes in the back once. Lovely bloke..."

Previously

• You too could have sex with Abi Titmuss
• Celebrities have more sex, better sex and sex with more people
• John Leslie slams indecent assault charges