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  Monday 6th March 2006  World News   Powered by Yeast Logic
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Revealed: What Berlusconi means by 'services'

How David Mills trousered £1000 in a weekend
by Neil Harvey

Tessa Jowell's husband, David Mills, has come under renewed pressure to reveal the reasons why he was apparently gifted a large sum of cash by Silvio Berlusconi, following allegations that Mills regularly danced for the Italian Premier whilst stripped down to his underwear.

Berlusconi: Jigga-jiggaA leading United Nations erotic dancer — Bantros Diomede — said yesterday: "Everyone know that Silvio likes to watch the middle aged English man jigga-jigga. He make him dress in just the pants and strut his stuff to Tina Turner and Dolly Parton — this is not news.

"Many Italian men like the English middle aged ones — they are so cute with their proud little tum-tums, serious faces and their black socks. They try so hard to get into the most awkward positions to excite their audiences — their performances are often very, very touching."

Diomede added that Mills not only performed for Berlusconi but was also involved in supplying middle-aged English men to other high-ranking military government officials, military top-brass and even senior members of the Mafia.

"Sure — everyone knows that if you want an English grey-hair, you go to Mr. Mills — he gets only the very best. He recruits them online from places like www.accountingweb.co.uk where they are looking for little ways to spice up their little lives. And why not? Dancing for Italians can be fun and the grey-hairs always earn good money."

It is thought that a moderately over-weight Financial Director can earn fees exceeding £1000 for a weekend's dancing in Italian hunting lodges. Cosmopolitan columnist Isabella Lipatella has even tipped middle aged English dancing-men as being the must have accessory for successful Italian males in 2006.

"They are the new black, belissima — everyone will have one by Autumn," said Ms. Lipatella before driving off on a scooter whilst drinking three cappuchinos and smoking a cigarillo.

Previously

 Go on then, hard man