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  Monday 13th March 2006  World News   Powered by Yeast Logic
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Axis of Evil in car boot nuke outrage

North Korea and Iran: The Carshalton connection
by Artie Fufkin

In a bizarre new twist to the Axis of Evil';s™ gonna rape your missus and kill your kiddies saga, the president of North Korea, Kim Jong-il, has sensationally announced that Mahmoud Ahmadinejad attempted to buy the diplomatically-isolated and weird little country's stockpile of nuclear weapons at an Axis of Evil Car Boot Sale held last week round the back of a scout hut in Carshalton, Surrey.

Tom Hanks: Fatwa"I was just trying to flog me son's Castle of Greyskull, and he come up to me, quick as you like and said "How much for the nukes… and that Turner and Hooch video?"

"I was as shocked as you like, I never expected to sell the Turner and Hooch video, I mean, it's about a dog that don't get eaten, innit? But the nukes weren't for sale, I ain't even got none." Kim Jong-il said through his interpreter.

President Bush was said to be disgusted at the news. His White House spokesman said "Turner and Hooch was an exceptionally poor film, and the President thinks that it was Tom Hanks' error of judgement the likes of which had not been seen since agreeing to perform in The Burbs."

The spokesman later dismissed calls from red necks and neo-conservatives to strip Mr Hanks of his Oscars. Commenting on the nuclear situation, his spokesman, continued: "If this doesn't show Iran's nuclear ambitions are for evil stuff, then I don't know what will."

Iran immediately sent out a press release to try and calm international fears. "We, the Islamic Republic of Iran deeply apologise for the confusion regarding our conversation with North Korea last Sunday. The Prime Minister had got his films mixed up and thought that Turner and Hooch was in fact Digby — The Biggest Dog in the World. A Fatwa has been put on Tom Hanks' head."

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad claimed he wanted to use the nukes for "personal use" only. Under international law, a head of state can legally have three nuclear warheads for non-belligerent home entertainment.

The confusion continues.

Previously

 Go on then, hard man