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The original is at http://www.therockalltimes.co.uk/2006/03/13/milosevic-mourned.html.
Dozens mourn Milosevic
RIP genocidal Slav bloke
by our man in the Hague
The Hague has for days played host to unparalleled grief as dozens of sobbing people gathered in small clusters to engage in tearful group hugs and pay homage to the man they affectionately dubbed "The Balkans Bankroll" — former Serbian big cheese Slobodan "Laughing Boy" Milosevic who died last week after a suspected overdose of blood pressure tablets, leprosy medication and resolutely undigestible Dutch cheese.
One visibly-moved junior lawyer, who asked not to be named, told The Rockall Times: "I don't know what I'm going to do, to be honest. I'd just made the downpayment on a huge floating condo down near Rotterdam. How the fuc*k am I going to make the mortgage payments now?"
His red-eyed colleague, who introduced himself as "Jan", added: "I ordered a Ferrari last week — complete with veal calf leather upholstery. I'll have to cancel that and get my bike back from the canal, I suppose."
These are just two stories of human tragedy in the wake of Milosevic's unexpected demise. A spokesman for the Dutch Bar told us: "The phonelines have been jammed with hysterical lawyers asking how the hell they were going to earn the €5000 a week they'd been trousering while the Milosevic trial trundled on. Let's face it, the guy was so adept at reducing the proceedings to a crawl, many lawyers on the defence team had begun to brief their small children on the case in preparation for a hand-over in 20 or 30 years' time."
Milosevic' exiled widow Mirjana Markovic, meanwhile, has asked the Serbian authorities to lift a warrant for her arrest on fraud charges so that she might travel to her native land and see her husband buried. When asked on what grounds she was claiming this immunity, Markovic snorted: "Because I'm very, very upset."
On hearing news of Markovic's ingenious plea for clemency, the mood in the Hague's Inns of Court lifted considerably as teams of lawyers began to contact people currently on trial for any crime whatsoever to see if a recent upsetting experience might justify the charges being dropped completely.
Previously
From The Rockall Times Monday 13th March 2006
http://www.therockalltimes.co.uk/.