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  Monday 13th March 2006  The Arts   Powered by Yeast Logic
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Big Brother by Royal Appointment?

Text Charlie For King, Edward For Queen...
by George Calloway

A source close to Clarence House has revealed that Prince Charles is seriously considering letting the nation decide on who should take over from The Queen and become the next monarch. Charles is in talks with Channel 4 about the "feasibility" of having the frontrunners incrassated in a Big Brother Palace for a reality TV spin off called Royal Big Brother.

Princess Anne: BottleThe last time the royal family agreed to appear in a light entertainment programme was in 1987 when Prince Edward organised It's A Royal Knockout which attracted viewing figures in excess of a hundred. The show was originally going to feature a live execution of Princess Diana, this was thought at the time to be a ploy by Charles to "free him up" to marry Camilla Parker Bowles although this was strongly denied by the games co-ordinator Henri Paul.

If the show gets the go-ahead we could see Princes William and Harry, fighting it out with Auntie Anne and Uncle Edward, along with some other minor royals, for the nations favour. The source told us "Charles feels that the damned public would appreciate the chance to call in or even text their vote for who wears the crown" and the idea has created huge interest.

The potential for the Channel 4 show is enormous, a C4 spokesman commented: "Just imagine seeing Princess Anne recreating Kinga's famous scene with a champagne bottle, or maybe Edward." Indeed, there is even talk of including The Queen and the Duke of Edinburgh to spice things up. There is of course a fond tradition for having a Queen in the BB house, and this would be one way of maintaining that. Although Edward is on hand to cater for the "is he, ain't he" brigade.

Viewers could be treated to the those dulcet Geordie monotones announcing "Day Three 5.35pm, Charles has been in the garden talking to a Chrysanthemum for 45 minutes", "Duke of Edinburgh or "Queen Elizabeth II you have been evicted, please leave the Big Brother Palace".

The "imprisoned toffs" would have to earn rewards by completing tasks, and would also have to exist on a budget of £1 a day for failing. One can only imagine how they would manage, having to budget for toilet rolls and making the tough choice between a decent Bollinger and some King sized Rizzlas for Harry.

Prince Andrew has agreed in principle to taking part, but there has been no news of whether "Ginger Minge" will join him.

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