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Israel tightens grip on Jordan Valley

In an attempt to stem the tide of Hamas infiltration, it has been reported that Israeli Special Forces have taken up position in Jordan Valley, an area dividing the West Bank, presumably a euphemistic term for the area directly opposite her right tit.

Whilst it is widely accepted that you could probably hide an entire Mechanised Brigade in the highly-talented model's cleavage, we at The Rockall Times find it difficult to believe that however extreme an Islamic Fundamentalist Group, they would have any interest in setting up terror operations in between Jordan's voluminous breasts.

However, an Israeli Military expert, Colonel Moshe Mashe, told this reporter about several previously foiled attempts by Hamas to infiltrate key cleavages.

"We have been conducting disruption operations against Hamas and other affiliated groups who, for several years, have been directing assaults against Israeli interests from the safety of large-breasted glamour models and adult film actresses. For instance, just before her death, there was fierce fighting between our troops and Islamic Jihad in Lolo Ferrari's cleavage, which lasted for days and left the area devastated.

"Similarly, Linzi Dawn Mackenzie's boobs were invaded by a particularly fierce group of the PLO recently and tough nipple-to-nipple fighting was needed to extract them. And, just the other day, plans by al-Qaeda in Iraq to set up operations in Alicia Duval's snatch were barely thwarted in a joint operation by Mossad and a few dozen Premiership Football players."

Previously

• Britain rocked by Jordan terror attacks
• I want sex with hundreds of celebrities: Jordan
• Hurley/Jordan in celebrity reproductive organs shocker

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