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  Monday 27th March 2006  World News   Powered by Yeast Logic
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US fights Pedro tsunami

Big wall to fight big problem
by Greg Doublewank

President Bush is trying to rush through plans in order to counter the problem of illegal immigration and black economy workers in the good ol' US of Arse. He intends to make it a felony to assist illegal immigrants, such as giving them jobs, shelter or your half-eaten Big Mac.

Robert Mugabe: TalksAmerica has an estimated 11.5 million illegal immigrants, mostly of who are of Hispanic origin, arriving clandestinely over the Mexican/US border. Indeed, reminiscent of a dark day in 1961, a huge wall is planned across approximately a third of the width of the States to keep the Pedros out.

Huge rallies in key American cities have been held in protest at what some Activists called "inhumane" measures designed to make people seeking a better life mere criminals.

A US Immigration Service spokesnazi told our reporter: "These people enter US Sovereign Territory illegally. They are aided and abetted by criminal gangs to do so and then they work illegally, dodging taxation and creating underclass ghettoes within our major cities. We need to stamp this out in order to protect the wealth and prosperity of grass roots Americans." When he was asked his name, the Official whispered "Goldstein" and hurried from the room, muttering ancient Yiddish swear words.

President Bush has fired his previous man in charge of Immigration and Nationalization, describing him as "a Goddam' cretin who couldn't organise a fuc*k in a $5 whorehouse". Harsh words indeed, but given the magnitude of the problem, the President felt it was time to get a fresh perspective on things. He was recently locked in talks with "Laughing" Bob Mugabe, ostensibly on how to get away with genocide and remain a credible national leader.

Across the States, thousands of legally naturalised Hispanics, Asians and others have gone on strike to show their solidarity. As a result, many major fast food chains ground to a halt, garbage bins went unimpaired and public lavatories overflowed, leaving streets covered in refuse and excrement. Apart from New Orleans which is still covered in refuse and excrement from the Katrina disaster.

Previously

 Go on then, hard man