Rockall's Muslims turn on Missy Baad

Condo-sleezza Pilaf Rice, US Secretary of State and aka "Missy Baad", landed at Rockall International Airport yesterday amid tight security on the final leg of her round the world brown-nosing tour, which has received acerbic criticism as being heavy on photo opportunities and very light on discussion.

The motorcade route was lined with angry anti-war protesters from Rockall's predominantly Muslim al Fatwa housing estate who shouted abuse and pelted Rice's limousine with handfuls of ripe guillemot shi*t.

Meeting with leaders of the sacred islet's Muslim community at the Hall's Ledge football stadium, Rice, sporting a deep sun tan from her recent desert battlefields walkabout, attempted to justify the US military position in Iraq.

"These poor people, the Kurds, the Sunni and Chers, and the Shites, have had their political ambitions stifled for years under the tyranny of Saddam's dictatorship. Now, since we've liberated the country, they're free to engage each other in a good old-fashioned civil war and sort their differences out once and for all. That's the true definition of Western democracy."

However Mr. Abdul Semtexvest, whose son was interred at Guantanamo Bay after his sandals suffered spontaneous combustion during a flight to Florida last year, was having none of Ms. Rice's self-serving rhetoric.

Speaking to The Rockall Times outside his Halal Haddock Chippy, Abdul expressed his disgust with the United States' global bully status and having a prime architect of the Afghan and Iraqi wars visiting his home turf uninvited.

"This condescendin' slag's full'a Neocon' Zionist hypocritical horse cra*p. One minute she's demonisin' Islam like we're all members of al-Qaeda. Now she's 'ere on some big PR junket, trying to condone US hegemony and justify why our soul bruvvers in Iran are gonna get it next. It's only the fuggin' oil they're after, and my lad Ali's stuck in bleedin' Cuba wiv no shoes."

A planned trip by Rice and her group of shifty sycophants to Rockall's JollyJihad Mosque was cancelled after Muslim religious leaders demanded she grow a beard and wear a full burkha during her visit, and definitely refrain from spouting any more sanctimonious garbage while on hallowed ground.

Previously

• Condoleezza Rice Crew in Sudan security rumpus
• Bush hits Inca trail in War on Terror™
• Rockall warms to Sharia law