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The original is at http://www.therockalltimes.co.uk/2006/06/19/us-world-cup.html.
US bemoans World Cup exit
Legal action may follow 'unfair' treatment
by our Chinese World Cup Collespondent, Chan Ging Loom
The United States Football Association today issued a strongly worded complaint regarding the "misleading information given regarding the World Cup".
The Americans were stunned to find out upon entering the tournament that teams from other countries in the world would be allowed to play.
"This is really unfair," whined one Californian after the men's team, which is not nearly as good as the women's team, was routed 3-0 by the Czech Republic.
"When we hold a world event in the States, like the World Series, we obviously don't mean World in the sense that everyone else mistakenly does. We just mean our world, which in terms of pretty much everything even a homo game like soccer, is the only thing that's important."
The team apparently thought that Germany was a county in Louisianna. Their central midfielder, A. Moron, was particularly upset by the make up of the tournament: "I mean shi*t man we get here and find out that the FRENCH are being allowed to play alongside the greatest nation in the world. Next they'll let the Arabs and Iranians in. Can you imagine, faggots and terrorists. It's a joke man."
A US official has hinted at the prospect of legal action to settle the matter. "Of course we understand that the whole world wants a fair contest, with the best team winning the trophy, but that's simply not the way we are used to doing things. We need to re-instill the World Cup with US values, namely that we ignore what the rest of the world wants, take the cup home and then only allow US teams to play for it. In the name of freedom naturally"
"It is clear that our team yesterday were only beaten by communist tactics intent on undermining a free and democratic nation. Apart from anything else we don't really like soccer anyway. We feel that it is our right to bear arms and defend ourselves and our goal line against aggressors, using a shoot to kill policy."
FIFA yesterday refused to make any formal comment, but a spokesperson close to the organising committee appeared in a T-Shirt bearing the cryptic slogan "Yankee Go Home".
The US's World Cup bid officially ended this afternoon in Nuremberg when they went down 2-0 to plucky Ghana. The team reportedly intends to spend the flight home finding out exactly where Ghana is.
Official World Cup Fact
Denmark are not in the World Cup.
Previously
From The Rockall Times Monday 19th June 2006
http://www.therockalltimes.co.uk/.