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  Monday 28th August 2006  Politics   Powered by Yeast Logic
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Prescott enjoys summer job swap

Guest presenter slot for Hull Dynamo
by Wordy Harry

In a press release from 10 Downing Street's media centre, it was announced this morning that Deputy Prime Minister John Prescott will not stand in for Tony Blair when he takes his annual holiday. Instead, there will be an exchange visit and President Kim Jong-Il of North Korea will be in charge of Britain for a whole month.

A spokesman denied this was in any way connected with the Deputy Prime Minister's recent political troubles and hailed it as a new means for countries to learn about each other's methods and customs. "It's like the popular BBC comedy show Have I Got News For You," he said. "They have a guest presenter every week."

Donna Keyy-Babb, a lobby journalist with inside connections, gave the real reason. "Blair doesn't want to come back to a fuc*king shambles, like last time. And if Gordon Brown gets the job, Tony's afraid that he'll never get it back. Tony wants to relax while he's freeloading off some billionaire tax exile, not spend the time worrying that he'll be stuck on a tiny island for the rest of his life, like Napoleon Bonaparte," she said.

As part of the exchange, John Prescott will take North Korea's seat at the Six Nation Disarmament Talks with China, Russia, Japan, South Korea and the USA. This diplomatic initiative has been trying to get North Korea to renounce its nuclear weapons programme and cease the provocative testing of new ballistic missiles. By deploying the combination of Prescott's awesome debating skills and proven left jab, the North Koreans expect the talks to stalemate, buying them some much needed time.

"It's immensely honouring for me to perform this historic feat on behalf of our brothers in North Korea," beamed John Prescott at a news conference this afternoon. "President Kim has promised me the use of the whole west wing of his presidential palace, two official limousines and he even has a croquet lawn in the back garden."

"It's a win-win situation for both governments," explained EU Trade Commissioner for Pigmeat Pastries, Pedro Mendaciousson. "As head of a modern police state, President Kim is the ideal choice for a visiting prime minister. He's promised to send the Tories to new labour camps for re-education and introduce compulsory identity cards. We can learn an awful lot from his methods. He also wanted to introduce Socialism, but Tony thought that was going too far. The Prime Minister did welcome President Kim's hint about selling us ballistic missiles, though. We'll be able to replace our obsolete Trident system with Taepodong-2 rockets at half the cost of that overpriced American rubbish."

Previously

 Go on then, hard man