Prescott 'did not use a four-syllable word'

Angry denial from office of Hull Dynamo

by a Rockall Times political correspondent

Recent reports suggesting that Deputy Prime Minister, John Prescott defined certain aspects of current American foreign policy as being, not only "bad", "poor", and "crap", but also "belligerent" have been rejected.

John Prescott: Piss off The kerfuffle follows a meeting with backbench Labour patsies where Prescott was alleged to have used the suspiciously long word after grunting incomprehensibly for a few minutes in his usual style. Many otherwise strong supporters of the Hull Dynamo have told of their offence that Prescott would betray the trust placed in him by other verbal incontinents by using such a term.

The official response to the allegation has been robust. "This is completely untrue," a spokesperson advised The Rockall Times when confronted with the claim. "Mr Prescott has never used a four-syllable word to describe President Bush or anyone else for that matter. This is not language he would ever stretch too. As far as I am aware he doesn't even know any four-syllable words. He does have some standards you know. Although he did bring back a gift of the word motherfuc*ker from his recent US trip on ranch. Does that count or is it two words?"

Several MPs who attended the meeting are insisting that the word "belligerent" was used by Prescott — albeit after stumbling over it a couple of times and only when prompted by a female civil service adviser who was caressing his manly curves at the time. Several have spoken of their disgust at being made to sit through a sentence of such a kind from the Deputy PM which might upset their constituents.

Speech analysts from Withernsea University — the home of the soon-to-be-built-and-then-shut-down John Prescott Memorial Discount Library — who were given a copy of the supposed text have however insisted that it should theoretically have been possible. "We are unaware of any actual physical or physiological infirmity that would prevent Mr Prescott from saying the word," they admitted. However, the lead researcher admitted when pressed on the matter that there is no evidence previously of Prescott speaking clearly and cogently about American foreign policy — or anything whatsoever else for that matter.

Asked for a comment directly by The Rockall Times when doorstepped outside his latest girlfriend's house, the Deputy PM belligerently told us to "piss off you crap motherfuc*kers".

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Prescott 'did not use a four-syllable word'

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