Monday 23rd October 2006
UK full face transplant is go
Strong media interest in pioneering technique
by Paparazzi O'Leery
A UK doctor has been given the go-ahead to carry out the world's full face transplant. The NHS ethics board has told Peter Butler at London's Royal Free Hospital that he can take a disused face and sew it onto the head of someone who has been scaring children — as long as the patient considers the possible long-term psychological effects of going under the anasthetic looking like Anne Widdecombe, and waking up to see Kate Moss staring back from the mirror.
We hasten to add that Anne Widdecombe is not believed to be among the 30 potential patients who have approached Peter Butler, and that Kate Moss still needs her face, if only to get off it completely by filling it with cocaine.
Reaction to the news has been swift. Channel 5 is planning to film the entire face transplant procedure for an in-depth documentary entitled Face-off, while Channel Four is currently negotiating a number of A-list face transplants for a series of Celebrity Face Swap, in which celebs swap faces for six months. Among those slated for surgery are Katie Price, aka Jordan, who will trade visages with kitchen-worrying foulmouth Gordon Ramsey:
Ms Price is said to "fuc*king delighted" at the prospect of improving her kitchen skills while Gordon Ramsey admitted he found the idea of being slipped a length by Peter Andre "strangely exciting".
Other mooted face-swap pairings include: Hugh Grant and Beyonce; John Prescott and Claudia Schiffer; and Jamie Oliver and Madonna. A Channel Four spokeswoman chirped: "There's a strong sociological and educational basis for the series, we just haven't thought of it yet."
Reports that the BBC is to counter the Channel Four crowd-pleaser with its own effort called Trading Faces — in which Natasha Kaplinsky gets the face of an executed US rapist and then interviews his victims — are unconfirmed.