Margaret Thatcher attacks Madonna adoption

Following the much-publicised adoption of a Malawian unfortunate by Madonna this week, the media has been full of debate as to the rights and wrongs of cherry-picking mewling Third World infants.

At the forefront of the outcry against celebrities importing black kiddies into the UK when you're perfectly capable of dropping a sprog yourself is Baroness Margaret Thatcher who, in a packed House of Lords yesterday morning, announced her decision to have protest IVF treatment.

The Iron Baroness delivered an empowered speech to teary-eyed Lords and Ladies culminating in her shock statement : "I have always held the ideals of this country close to my heart. I could not allow this blatant attack on our sovereign territory to go unchecked. I put it to you my fellow peers that the adoption of an African person by this so called 'pop star', who is also, I believe, an American to boot, warrants an immediate and decisive counter. I have therefore put myself forward to undergo IVF treatment and bear a true blue British baby in protest at this outrageous immigration through the back door of our country."

Leading IVF specialist, Professor H. William Cripplecock, told The Rockall Times: "Although I've advised Baroness Thatcher that — due to her advanced years — the bearing of a third child could result in total womb atrophy and terminal tit sag, she has instructed Hugh Grant to present himself — bringing a copy of Playboy and a test tube — at my clinic next Friday. She also instructed him not to empty his sack into a 'chocolate-coloured strumpet's mouth' for at least three days before their appointment."

Previously

• Fully-grown male born from 21-year-old sperm
• Madonna in heartfelt 'mystical fluid plea'
• Madonna and Ritchie plan musical gangster blockbuster