There’s fuc*k all on Rockall   57°35’48”N 13°41’19”W
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  Monday 1st April 2002  Policy   Powered by Yeast Logic
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Policy announcement: Denmark and Rockall

Hands off you sorry excuse for a maritime nation
by De Management

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In response to several readers' assertions as to the legitimacy of Denmark's claim on Rockall, we feel obliged to set the record straight.

The said claim is apparently based on Rockall's proximity to the Faroe Islands — home of ethnic sweaters and not much else. For those of you who may have missed the Faroes in your travels, they're a self-governing Danish territory situated at 63 degrees North, 7 degrees West.

Even a cursory glance at the attached map demonstrates that the Danes have completely lost their marbles on this one. However, should they feel obliged to pursue the matter, we'd like to point out the following interesting statistics:

Total number of ballistic missile submarines:

  • UK: 4
  • Denmark: 0

Total number of operationally-available nuclear warheads:

  • UK: 200+
  • Denmark: 0

We think that just about covers it. That is The Rockall Times' formal policy concerning Denmark and Rockall.

 Go on then, hard man