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Flowerbeds flattened, lawns scoured bare
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Chelsea ace fails to penetrate box
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Where did it all go wrong for Britain's brightest talents?
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Defending the teen scene
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US Senator penetrates 'Friends with Benefits'
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This month: Drugs
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Shock admission by our Jayne
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I'd pose naked. Maybe
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News briefs 12.09.05
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Toxic levels of man juice
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The bank that likes to say Yes! Yes! Yes! Oh God! Yes!
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This month: The spit roast
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Fourteen hours' interrogation for melon fancier
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'Ten Fantasies' hits top shelf in a shower of man juice
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It's time for parents and kids to talk sex
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You're ordinary — they're famous and totally satisfied as women
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Potter saga moves into the noughties
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The new implications of the five-knuckle-shuffle
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Broken hymens, shattered lives
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'I absolutely love women'
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Socialite's horror at compromising images
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'Nine Songs' set to bust blocks
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Whither now a once proud, lusty, breathy, sweaty passion, eh?
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Breathing uncontrollable, knickers fizzy, etc etc
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This month: The office party
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Leaked pages steaming with smut
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Wireless market driven by cum tsunami
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Islands just the tip of the stomach-turning debauchery iceberg
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Copycat fears provoke embargo
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This month: Executive relief
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No girl-on-girl-on-boy for talented trio
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Startling revelations at Teesside trial
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Fantastic physique, clothes ripped off, totally satisfied as a woman, etc, etc
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Talented former nurse hits out
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Perky Abi Titmuss tackles you sex queries
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Triumph of IVF and prolonged sexual intercourse
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Talented blonde brushes up on her culinary skills
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Shock revelations by shy, retiring Katie Price
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This month: The joys of text
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Shocking revelations of naked Barbados beach babe
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Beckham strumpet also killed goat with can-opener, etc, etc
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Shocking, explicit SMS shagfest stuns nation
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Princess of pop atop the pork sword
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Junior doctor photographed corpses having sex, then put them on the Web. The photos, that is
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Our guest columnist gets to grips with the big question
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This month: The second coming of Rockall
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This month: Group sex
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Death of sex singer Barry White implicated
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C of E in danger of imminent and total collapse
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Extensive two-day study reveals love for the chocolate starfish
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Future of World Wide Web lies in balance
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This month: Fisting
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This is the question torturing distraught loner as he reflects on the cost of true love love
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Explored each others' bodies for ages, completely satisfied as a woman, etc, etc.
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Potency up 78 per cent under new currency
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Documents unearthed in Baghdad brothel prove depths of MP's carnal depravity
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Blushing bride in privacy invasion nightmare
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Another pointless world exclusive by The Rockall Times
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Sporting prowess courtesy of tough regime of hand-shandys
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Our bevvy of Page 3 Rockall beauties get their bazookas out for the Jihad!
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All above board, insists disgraced MP
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As long as the batteries last
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Heartfelt plea from desperate daughter
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Basingstoke man inspired to political activism
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This month: The Pearl Necklace
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Diabolical attempt to undermine fabric of society
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First-hand experience necessary for literary project
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Legitimate research led to arrest
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If only he would gag me, cries frustrated spouse number four
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Lessons gone too far, says authority
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David Blunkett living proof of terrible effects of self-restraint
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Terrible romantic agony of mixed-up teenager
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Agony of errant TV wife
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Sexual conduct was consensual and all over quickly anyway
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Xmas special: The dirty weekend
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Crystal-wielding witch 'healed' PM's wife in orgy of Bacchanalian lust
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Happily married mum in Sapphic shower temptation
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Tabloid interrogators unimpressed by claims of innocence
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Self-obsession, neurosis and talking to chickens
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This month: Shaving
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Butler's evidence undermined by anal antics
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Thief faces terrible miscarriage of justice
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Mum in clitoral hood piercing dilemma
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Find out with our Tabloid Rape Verifier™
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Narrowly beats woman in bikini lying on beach
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Three-in-a-bed offer leaves temptress cold
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Two dead. Was I to be the third?
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Mature nympho fails to keep legs or mouth shut
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Finalist had sex with boyfriend in Ramsgate
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But student sexfest ended in tears
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Secret lover Currie spills the beans on former prime minister's 'needs'
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Talented artist sacrificed all for career, and them some
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A problem shared is a problem aired to the widest possible audience
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Hell in perpetuity awaits Devil's disciple
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This month: Frottage
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Lard diet counteracts rancid promiscuity
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Nothing to do with alcohol consumption while pregnant, experts confirm
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This month: Bondage
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Fires warning shi*t across the bowels of porn industry
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Goooooooooooooal Brazil!
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Queen of Hearts roamed streets in search of love
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This month: Water Sports
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Salesman reveals extensive private library
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Vital supplies will save thousands
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Child abuse scandal provokes Vatican raid
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This month: Tongues
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Fury at confession of sex with miners
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Going at it like rabbits, and them some
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Consignia ex-employees targeted
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This month: Lesbian
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Officers' reign of terror just tip of iceberg
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Personal nipple sucking and technically unfeasible love-making pics banned
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Also ignores second-hand car and unmowed lawn
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This month: Anal
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Have sex with our PR bunnies and get a free Powerpoint presentation
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‘It was like a fuc*king torpedo out my knob,’ he crows
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Also drank blood of virgins, naturally
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This month: Threesomes
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My hormones were just telling me no, youth tells court
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Contestants will enjoy 'love spots', four jacuzzis and specially-designed bedrooms
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Shy virgin transformed into depraved nymphomaniac by presence of large cheque
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Find out for sure with our Tabloid Sex Verifier™
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Martin Bashir works his magic on pregnant model
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Going rather well so far
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Freedom is not without its disappointments
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Sperm mated with egg from ovary — embedded in uterus
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Architect of Evil satisfied depraved lust on domesticated fowl
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Escapes hanging due only to its abolition
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Women's pork ordeal ends
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