I’m at work. I’m bored. Make me laugh.

Trawl Rockall for:

• Margaret Thatcher attacks Madonna adoption
  Iron Baroness to undergo protest IVF

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• Labour pledges cut-price body mutilation for all
  Disenfranchised to benefit from subsidised tattoos

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• Jamie Oliver piles into 'un-pukka parent fuc*kers'
  Boris Johnson also a 'bleach barnet'd bargain hun*t', notes celebrity chef

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• Swan-roasting Romanian paedophiles: What every parent should know
  Your cut-out-and-keep guide to our new EU friends

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• Government plans audacious 'Super Motorway'
  860-mile tarmac ribbon of joy

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• Prince Harry gropes three-year-old
  Chastity Bellt endures the Windsor's wandering hands

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• Defiant Iran rattles high-speed sabre
  Germany on 'full dress-uniform' alert as crisis deepens

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• War: What every parent should know
  Our essential dossier will mean the difference between life and death for your kiddies

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• Police announce pink and fluffy counselling teams
  'Sorry we shot your boy, Mrs al-Zarqawi'

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• Rockall Health Service IT costs spiral
  'It was an ambitious project from the start'

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